Darry
by divergentlover56
Summary: A story about Darry and depression.
1. Chapter 1

A/n: I do not own. Please Review. Thanks for reading.

I walk in the house after a long day of roofing. Glancing into the living room, I see Two-Bit lounging on the couch, watching Mickey Mouse. Soda and Steve are playing poker, and Johnny and Pony are looking at some encyclopedia. Dally is who-knows-where. I sigh and walk into the kitchen to begin dinner. Before the question can even come out of my mouth, I hear Pony shout, "Yeah homework's done Dar." I nod. One less thing to worry about. "Awesome, little buddy. Thanks. One less thing I gotta think about." Even though I should be happy, I'm not. Because for these last few months I've been carrying around a secret. I have depression. When I began to suspect I did, the first thing I did was to go the library and get a book. A book that listed the symptoms of depression. The saddest part was: I couldn't go to the doctor or to their therapist cause it would show up on my medical records and get my little brothers taken away. I can't express it through self-harm cause the state would see and well, same ending. And no one in the gang really care enough to want to hear about my problems. Plus I have to be strong; Superman remember? By the time I'm through these depressing thoughts, dinner is ready. Announcing this fact to the gang, causes 5 pairs of feet to head to the dining room table. You'd think they hadn't eaten in weeks, when it had literally been less than an hour since they had a snack. By the time dinner's over, I hope someone notices that I didn't eat and ask why. Nobody does. Oh well.

*Later that night*  
It's midnight now an everyone's asleep. Good. Turning on a dim light in my room, I take out a blue notebook, flip I open to a page and write a new entry. When I'm done, I place it under a green notebook. Only two other people besides me know about the existence of these notebooks. Oh well, time to go to bed. I flip off the light and roll over.


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: thanks to everyone who favorites, followed and reviewed. I do not own. Thanks for reading. :) oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My alarm woke me up at 6:00am. The feelings I'd been able to escape in sleep resurfaced. Feelings of hopelessness, despair. Lately it seemed like even breathing was a challenge. Before i started making breakfast, I took a quick ten-minute shower. After I got out, I took a quick minute to study myself. If you looked closely, you could see how dead my eyes looked. And it scared me. Because I was afraid I'd only get worse and Pony and Soda would be forced to leave. Shaking it off, I got dressed and started to make coffee and pancakes. By the time they were done, it was 7:00am. Time to wake the little ones up. Awesome. Shuffling slowly to the bedroom, I pushed the door open. Pony was at the window, using the sun to read. Soda was tightly clutching- a pillow? What was that? Pony must have heard me because he mouthed "Works every time" I nod, assuming he'll explain later. "Soda, wake up." Groaning, he rolled over onto his back. "G'morning Dar. What time is it?", He sleepily asked. "7:00, little buddy. Now c'mon, breakfast is ready." He nodded, motioning me and Pony out of the room so he can get dressed. It's around 8:00 when I drop him off. He grins at me, so carefree and open I envy him, before casually walking into the DX. When I arrive at the current house, I take a minute to lean my head against the steering wheel. A moment to hide a lifetime of pain hidden behind blue eyes. After I'm sure that th mask is fixed In place, I head to the ladder and start pounding.  
*Later that day*  
When I get home, for once, the house is quiet. No TV, no radio, no fights, no cursing. Aha, a note. Everyone's at the movies, and'll be back by curfew. Nice to know. The first thing I do is go to my room, lock the door, shed my work stuff, put my head in my hands and cry. Sob, great big sobs that leave my body shaking. By the time, I'm done, it's 9:00. Means I've been crying for bout an hour. The boys should be home soon, an I already know what I'll say if they ask. I was doing dishes and got soap in my eyes. Plausible, enough. Hopefully they'll buy it and won't ask a lot of questions. Sure enough, as soon as I finish thinking these thoughts, they come barreling in. "Where's the other side of trouble?"* I asked. "Home or Buck's, I suppose." Soda answers. "Well I'm gonna go to bed. Long day." I tell them. "Yeah we are too. Night Dar." I say goodnight. I'd, deep down, kinda hoped they asked about the obvious redness, but alas they were too busy. I'd tried to tell myself that I'd didn't care and yet still felt disappointment.


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: I do not own. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorites and followed. Also, a huge thank you for the 121 views. You guys are amazing! Huge thank you to Outsidersfanlovedally for a) reviewing my poem, It's not fair and b) giving me good advice. This one's for you. Also, if you have not checked out my other Outsiders work, please do so. Alright on with the story!

* A few days later*

Waking up, the first thing I realized it was my 22nd birthday. After doing my normal morning routine, I head out to the kitchen. Sodas already up, and dying the egg whites yellow. Shaking my head and sitting down at the table with a cup of coffee I remember that in a few days it'll be the two year anniversary. Great. I mull over whether to remind them, or just let me forget. I decide to go with the second option. By then they'll just be upset when they do remember. This internal debate occupies my thoughts throughout breakfast. When I do look up again, Soda's standing by the front door holding the keys with a soft smile. Shaking my head, I grab my things and walk out, making sure he closes it. Soon we arrive at the DX. Soda gets out and turns to tell me something. "Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm picking Pony up from school and taking him and the gang out. We won't be home till super late. So you'll have the house to yourself. Alright?" So much for spending my birthday with my family. I would've asked to come along, except I felt too tired mentally to go. "Sure. Have a good day." He nods and run towards the DX without turning around. I sigh and pull away from the curb.  
*That night*  
Walking into the house, I sigh and dump my stuff onto the floor. Today's been a crap day and I'm glad no one's around to see my even worse mood. The phone company called me at work, cause they didn't get the bill, WHICH I SENT IN FOUR DAYS AGO, Boss was being, well it starts with d and rhymes with tick, today. I got the cold shoulder from pretty much everyone at work today, cause of the heat. Add on top of this nobody even remembered my birthday, and my brothers aren't home to celebrate. It's time like these when I really need my parents. They wouldn't have forgotten. Mom would've subtly reminded them of my birthday and made them stay home. Dad would've let me vent about work, and understood. Instead of going into my room, and walked into their room. Breathing in the mixed scents, I grab a pillow and began to cry. I have to cut off the tears soon, though because everyone come banging through. Slipping from their room, I walk down the hallway to tell them to quiet down. Glaring at them, I boom," Hey, quiet down. I have a headache." Seeing my look, they immediately do as asked. Well except Pony. "Why? We just got home and already your yelling. Wanna ask how it went?" I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Pony. I've had a long day. Please just don't start." He looks at me for a second before rolling his eyes. "Whatever." Exhaling a long sigh, I tell them wearily," I'm going to bed. Goodnight." I pause for a second, give them an opening, then nod. After I get ready for bed, I feel bad about not asking and being so mean. Walking down the hall, I hear the general sounds of a card game being played until Pony says," I hate him." Everything stops. "Who?" Soda asks. "Darry. He's so mean and crabby. He didn't even ask how the night went!" "I know little buddy," Soda replies. Then he says the words I never wanna hear. "I hate him right now,too. If I could afford it., I would've asked for guardianship of you when I turned 18." There's a quiet silence before Steve says,"Well no reason you and Pony should be forced to be unhappy. I don't exactly like him either. I'll help you pay." It's another quiet moment, before Two-Bit says," I agree with Steve. Plus its not like he evens cares about anything we do, if it's not school or sports,related." A murmur of agreement rises. A few seconds pass before the card game resumes. I stumble blindly down the hall to my room, where I proceed to cry for hours before falling fitfully asleep.  
*The next morning*  
The first thing I do is call in sick. Then I grab some money,call in for Soda and Pony, and walk down the hall into the boys' room. After waking them up, I tell them to meet me in the living room, then do the same with Two-Bit and Steve. When everyone's in the living room, I take a deep breath and start "First off, I'd like to apologize. Something had happened at work and I shouldn't have snapped at you guys. I'd also like to apologize for being a bad guardian. I didn't realize until last night, that I've been mean and crabby lately." This next part I direct at Two-Bit and Steve." I'm sorry that I've been a bad friend." Now I'm talking to the whole room. "It has come to my attention lately that you're all pretty unhappy with me. I didn't realize that and maybe I should've realized it sooner. Furthermore, since you guys feel the way you do, I've thought over this and realized the best course of action would be to transfer guardianship if Pony over to Soda. I'll help you find an apartment and everything. I'll even give you money." A stunned silence follows my speech.


	4. Chapter 4

A/n: Thanks a million to everyone who reviewed, followed and favourited Darry! You guys are a huge support, and I cannot express my gratitude enough. Sorry bout the late update, will Try to update regularly!  
Disclaimer: I do not own.

Beep! Beep! Once again, the alarm woke me up. As I rolled over and swung my feet over the side of my bed, the dream from last night came rushing back towards me. Could that really have been a dream? It was so...vivid. No it wasn't a dream, more like a nightmare. The first thing I did was go into my brothers' room to reassure myself that they were safe,happy,and that they weren't going anywhere. After aI calmed down enough to function, I walked into the bathroom to do my morning normal routine. After I had finished, I walked into the kitchen, already knowing what I was going to make. Pancakes...Pony and Soda's favourite. While I was adding the eggs, the sound of tired feet shuffling reached my ears. Turning around, I saw Soda standing there, staring at me confusedly. "What're'ya making Dar?" He asked me while rubbing his eyes. "Pancakes, little buddy. Now go get cleaned up," I gently commanded. Nodding his head, he wordlessly spun around and headed towards the bathroom. Soon after Soda got up, Pony did as well, sitting down in a kitchen chair. "Morning Pon," Soda greeted, walking up behind him and mussing his hair. Pony jerked away for a slight second before mumbling a reply. Soon enough, the pancakes were ready. After we had all started eating, I decided now was as good as ever to bring up my nightmare. "Hey guys," I started, while setting down my fork and clearing my throat, "You guys are happy here, right?" Reactions were instantaneous. "Yeah of course Dar. What would give you the idea we aren't?" Soda replied, followed by a glance at Pony to ensure he felt the same, which was answered by a firm nod. "I don't know," I replied. "Just a nightmare I had last night." I answer, still not looking at them. "What was it about," Pony asks concernedly. "You, Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit were all saying how much you hated me." I mumble this, and they still understand what I was saying. As soon as it hit them, I was enveloped in two pairs of arms. "Wrapping my arms around both them, I am reassured in the fact that yes they do love me and are safe and happy. Breakfast continues on, and before long, I'm pulling up in front of the DX. With a goodbye and a wave, Soda heads into his second-favorite place.  
*Later that night*  
When I get home, Johnny and Dally aren't there, only Two-Bit and Steve are. Watching Pony and Two-Bit fight brings a glimmer of a smile to my face, but the dream from last night lingers. I think about this as I make the chicken and potatoes. Soon after, dinner is served and even quicker, dinner is finished. Biting my lip in a rare sign of nervousness, I head into the living room to start an unpleasant conversation. Turning the T.V. off, I hold up my hand to ward off protests, I turn my attention to Steve and Two-Bit. "You guys don't secretly hate me or something, right?" Looking confused they both shake their head. When their facial expression changes from confused to questioning, I sigh and start to explain,"Last night, I had a dream that you guys were all saying that you pretty much hated me. I guess I'm still a bit shaken up." Silence follows. Two-Bit is the first to say something." Dar, we've known each other our whole lives. Do you think any of us could honestly hate someone else within the gang with no good reason?" Tilting my head to the side, I shake my head. A smile breaks out on his previously-tense face. "Alright then. How bout we all go and enjoy some Mickey?" A cheer of agreement rises up and we head out into the living room. As the show goes, I watch them with a bit of envy. For here in this living room, they are able to release their pain and stress, unlike me who is forced to shove walls up. Walls made of brick and stone that hide a lifetime of pain. So yes, I envy them.  
Later that night  
As I reach over to turn off the light, my wrist hits the table. What surprises me is how declious the pain feels...  
A/n: Enjoy.


	5. Chapter 5

A/n: Thanks for all your support! It means the world! Credit for the idea for the story goes to Ladybugs.  
Disclaimer: I do not own.

November 16th, 1968  
Dear Journal,  
Today's the two-year anniversary since I lost my parents and my dreams in one fell swoop. A few nights ago, I had this dream that everyone hated me. It's not true of course, but still...they're all good liars. I know I've always been kinda on the edges of things, even with them, but Mom and Dad were there to make things better. I was forced to stop taking my pills cause we couldn't afford them. When they died the worse part of it was that I had lost the only two people who knew about my...sickness. Not even the state knows, cause it was never put officially on record. Sometimes I wonder...who's gonna be there for me now? Nobody, but that's alright. I'll survive. Hopefully  
-Darry  
After writing that up, I looked it over, nodded, and set the notebook back to where I had it. What I'd written was true, Dad and Mom had been the only two people who knew about my disease. I'd had it all my life, which sucked, but it wasn't until I'd been cutting for two solid years that Mom finally noticed. Make up covered what short sleeves couldn't. These were the thoughts running through my head as I took the razor to my waistline, where no one would see. One cut, two cuts, three cuts. That should be enough to get me through tonight and tomorrow. As always I bandaged up my cuts, so they wouldn't get infected. With the pain still lingering, I fell asleep.  
*Dream mode*  
"HOW COULD YOU?!" Mom's voice screamed. I looked around, startled. "Mom?" I asked cautiously. "YOU KILLED US!" Dad's voice bellowed. "Killer, killer, killer" was suddenly been chanted, echoing around the dark cavern. "I hate you! You killed our parents!" Ponys voice rang out. He stepped out into a sudden light, his face twisted gratefully, eyes murderous. Soda's voice called out, "I wish you were dead!" Their voices began to surround me, yelling out accusations. I backed away as fast as I could and fell into a dark hole...  
*Dream mode over*  
*Soda's P.O.V.*  
It was in the dead of the night when I shot up out of bed, awoken by a scream. A scream of pain. Not physical emotional pain. Turning automatically, I shook Pony's shoulders till he awoke. It wasn't till then that I realized it was Darry this time, not Soda. Running as fast as Pony, I quickly reached his room, throwing myself on the bed and shaking his shoulders. He awoke with a cry, disoriented, until his eyes adjusted and he realized it was me. "Soda," his tired voice slurred, "What's a matter with Pony? He sick?". I shook my head,"No Dar, you were having the nightmare. Remember?" Shaking his head No, he rolled over and instructed me to go back to bed. As I climbed into bed I made a mental note to talk to him tomorrow...  
A/n: So what do you think? Bad? Good? Tell me! Thanks for all this support! You guys are awesome! Sorry about the late update, I've been super busy!  
P.s. I do not in any way encourage self harm. It is a dangerous habit that can, has, and possibly might kill you. Please, if you ever need to talk and you wanna self harm, I'm here. Because I've cut before do I know how it feels. Please don't harm yourself. Please.


	6. Chapter 6

A/n: Thanks for all your support! I really appreciate all the help you guys provide so thank you.  
Credit for the idea for this chapter goes Ladybugs! Also check out Dreadfulstars's work if you haven't already.  
Dedication goes to Dreadfulstar, mainly to pushing me to get this up.  
Disclaimer: I do not own.

Time skip-Monday

Darry's POV

Monday morning. Ugh. I seriously curse the person who decided two days off a week would be a good idea. Swinging my legs over the side, I yawned and shuffled towards the bathroom. While in the shower, I sighed as I mentally tried to work out how I was gonna pay all the bills. I'd talk to the boss today about more hours...Sighing, I reached for the handle and shut the water off, nearly groaning at the loss of warmth. Looking at myself in the mirror, I quickly finished in the bathroom before leaving it to make breakfast. When the eggs were cooking, I took a few seconds to grab the mail. Flipping through the advertisements quickly, what I saw next made my heart stop. It was a letter from the gas company, saying I hadn't paid my bill in two head was on overdrive. What's going to happen when the  
State finds out? Pony and Soda would be taken away for sure. Suddenly an intense wave of nausea overcame me. My throat felt like I had a huge flood of peanut butter stuck in it and a numbing sensation was overcoming my fingers. All my mind was focused on was losing my brothers. If that happened I'd fail my parents...oh God Mom and Dad would be so disappointed. Maybe I could borrow the money offa Tim. Yeah, that'd work. But how would I pay it back? Too many thoughts, ideas,and worries were overloading my brain. I tried to stop, think,breathe, prevent myself from having a panic attack again, by it was no use. I fell into a peaceful darkness...  
Soda's P.O.V.

It was the silence which woke me. An uneasy silence,like something had happened. Cocking my head to the side,I realized that for once, I couldn't hear Darry in the kitchen. Glancing at the clock revealed it was 8:00. Holy crap! Why hadn't Darry woken me up? Jumping out of bed I headed into the kitchen where I saw a sight that would scar me for the rest of my life...  
A/n: if you haven't, check out my newest poem, Dear Mom. Also keep reviewing and all the good stuff! Thanks! :)


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